Guest: "Why does your dog sit there and watch me eat?"

Hotel Host: "I can't imagine, unless it's because you have the plate he usually eats from."

(its a little cruel lol)
A mans mother was checked into a hospital for immediate surgery....

Doctor: Its done, you want hear the news?

Man: Yes please tell me, will she be okay?

Doctor: I have some bad news and some good news, which you want first?

Man: K, The bad news..

Doctor: She lived, but she cant walk, you will have to wheel her around for the rest of your life. She also has trouble eating so you will have to spoon feed her like a baby for the rest of your life. She can no longer control her bowel movements so she could crap herself at any given moment. And she has lost the abillty to speak clearly. She only moans and yells now.

Man: Well GEEZZ doc! Whats the good news!?

Doctor:............ Im just messin with ya, Shes dead and gone